The Parenting Tilt: What is Your Kid Really Carrying Around?

Not just overloaded backpacks full of binders and loose papers, and a laptop—but feelings, thoughts, and experiences.

Each child returns to school with a mix of emotions. Some are buzzing with excitement to see friends or join a new club. Others carry a quiet anxiety about the unknowns ahead. Many are caught somewhere in the middle, unsure of how to feel. This is normal. In fact, it’s expected.

But here’s where things get tricky.

When emotions get heavy and overwhelming, they often show up in disguise. A child who slams the car door and storms inside after school might not be rude—they might be exhausted. The kid who "forgets" their homework three days in a row might not be careless—they might be drowning in self-doubt. The one who talks non-stop during class might not be defiant—they may be using chatter as a shield against feeling anxious.

Stress doesn’t always look like worry. For many kids, it shows up as avoidance, resistance, or even humor. And unless we slow down and get curious, we might mislabel these behaviors—and miss what’s really going on underneath.

So what does this mean for parents?

It means viewing these behaviors as signals, not problems. These are your child’s way of saying, “Something feels off and I don’t have the words to explain it yet.”

When we interpret every eye roll as disrespect or every forgotten assignment as laziness, we risk pushing kids further into the behaviors we’re trying to correct. But when we approach them with curiosity—“I wonder what’s behind this behavior?”—we open the door for understanding and connection.

This doesn’t mean letting everything slide. Boundaries still matter. But it does mean giving space for the emotional weight your child may be carrying.

So how can we begin to grow in understanding?

Here are a few quick mindset shifts to try:

• Pause before reacting. Ask yourself, “What might my child be feeling that they can’t express right now?”
• Validate, validate, validate their experience. Even if the behavior is frustrating, their emotion is still real. A simple, “That sounds like a tough day,” can go a long way.
• Look for patterns. Is there a certain time of day or activity where the behavior tends to appear? This might point to a hidden stressor.
• Partner with your child. Instead of correcting from a distance, invite them in: “Let’s figure out what’s going on together.”

Our kids are more than their behavior. And as they grow and stretch into a new school year, they need us to grow with them—to lead with empathy, to ask better questions, and to remember that every outburst or meltdown may have a story behind it.

Understanding what your child is carrying is one of the most powerful things you can offer as a parent. Because when a child feels seen, they’re more likely to let go of the weight they weren’t meant to carry alone.